A Fathers Day Tribute
The cancer took him in March of 1996. He fought hard, over four years with multiple myloma. The doctors gave him 6 months when he was diagnosed. My wife and I found out he was sick while I was stationed in Guam. At first I thought I might never see him again. We might never call each other during the Army/Navy games again and give each other a razzing. We kept praying for him and after a particularly tough time he wrote us to say that God must have decided that if we needed him that bad we could keep him. God saw fit to let me be stationed in Arizona for the last three years of his life, but that's another story.
My father in 1957 at the age of 15
He was the third child of a half breed Indian and a steel worker nearly twice her age. Blue collar baby. The fact that his mother was a half breed meant that his fathers family had disowned them before he was born. So his father drank his pain away. Whenever someone describes my grandpa it's almost always said that he was ugly. Not his features, his attitude....his personality. My father grew up in what we would call today a dysfunctional family. Abusive.
By the time he was fifteen he dealt with his pain the same way. By drinking, and at the age of fifteen ran away from the steel town and hitchhiked to California. I try to imagine one of my kids at fifteen hitchhiking nearly 2000 miles and it floors me that he did this. After this incident and his return trip to Ohio my grandparents lied about his age and sent him off to the Army.
He served in the Army for three years in France and Germany during the Berlin Crisis. He continued his alcoholic ways. After being discharged and going back to Ohio he met my mother. She was a nursing student and he was a gas station attendent. They had a whirlwind engagement (4 months) and I was born 10 months later.
In the Army ca. 1958-1961
My fathers alcoholism continued during my formative years. My father was abusive too. Often this could lead to a knock down drag out between my father and my mother and/or him being sent to jail to sober up.
Just before I joined the Navy my father came home drunk one night. He was a binge drinker and in this particular instance I was the scapegoat. He and I got into a fistfight. I'm not proud of this but I beat the crap out of him. My mother kicked him out and he lived in the car for three weeks. In the meantime my mother put the house up for sale and told him she had had it.
Mind you my father always provided for us. I knew that he loved us and I knew that when he wasn't drunk he was the most kind and tender hearted man you could ever meet. I'll give you two examples. They will seem like little things but they illustrate my point.
It was election day. My mother and father went to vote and my parents took turns. One voted while the other stayed in the car with us kids. My father was voting and we noticed that two older ladies were having trouble closing a door. I said to my mother, "If Dad comes out I know he'll help them." I almost became a prophet that day because out strolled my father and what did he do? He stopped to help them.
On another occasion while he was being treated at the VA he had gotten to be sick enough to use a walker. I was outside waiting for him and there were some fellows in some wheelchairs trying to get through the double doors. This was while some able bodied guys just kept going in and out and not giving a damn. I got up to help but before I could get there my father came out. He was in worse shape then they were but he held the door so they could go in.
Well, he finally hit rock bottom.
I'm not telling you this story because I am a martyr or to make you feel sorry. The best part of the story is coming up.
My father realized he needed help. He got sober. It meant that he lost his job and his house. He got counseling.
He also gave his life to Jesus. This made a huge difference in his life. He still dealt with the effects of his alcoholism but he knew if he took another drink it would kill him. Then he got cancer.
When I was a child if someone had said I was just like my father I would have been insulted. Now knowing the courage and guts it took to quit drinking and make things right with his family and with his God, if someone were to say that to me now I could think of no greater honor.
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Comment by aza spade— 2007/06/15 @ 02:04 PM — (Reply)
My Dad had a drinking problem too, unfortunately, due to a terrible mother he rejected Christ. He died in 1997, it was not a good year. It is terrible how the scars and wounds of childhood and family can break you.
Praise G*D your father went toward the Light, and you will have a sweet reunion and make up the years that the locusts have stolen!
A good father is truly a blessing from the Lord!
Good morning, G*D bless and Maranatha!
tmw
Comment by themerrywidow— 2007/06/16 @ 01:40 AM — (Reply)
Comment by Barry G.— 2007/06/16 @ 02:12 AM — (Reply)
Barry....go for it...it's cathartic at the very least
it's good for the soul
Comment by Elmers Brother— 2007/06/16 @ 02:30 AM — (Reply)
You know I love you and I loved your Dad. He was my hero when we were children and he is still a hero today for the way he loved all his family and worked so hard to change his ways and turn to the Lord. I like to think that he is going to greet all of us one day. Thank you for sharing him.
Comment by Jeanne— 2007/06/18 @ 03:59 AM — (Reply)
This is a beautiful tribute, EB. I can't wait for a pic.
Comment by Brooke— 2007/06/16 @ 09:43 AM — (Reply)
You stand as a testimony to grace EB and I am proud to say I know you. This is a beautiful story of the redemptive power of Christ and it inspires me, as I'm sure it inspires all who read it. Thanks for sharing it.
Comment by Gravelrash— 2007/06/16 @ 12:30 PM — (Reply)
Comment by Elmers Brother— 2007/06/16 @ 05:47 PM — (Reply)
Comment by Barry G.— 2007/06/16 @ 06:01 PM — (Reply)
Comment by Elmers Brother— 2007/06/16 @ 06:41 PM — (Reply)
Sometimes I think we grew in an entirely different age. I know alcohol played a large part in my parents life, too. But then again, they were much more "social" than I'll ever be. There was always some cocktail party to host or attend, especially when we were stationed overseas.
Comment by Farmer John— 2007/06/17 @ 02:42 AM — (Reply)
I do think you're right about being more social though
Comment by Elmers Brother— 2007/06/17 @ 01:20 PM — (Reply)
you are so awesome! daddy was always so proud of you,if he were here his pride would only continue to grow, my brothers are a picture of Gods love and forgiveness, you are a great example to all of us of grace and forgiveness, I love you
Comment by elmer— 2007/06/17 @ 02:21 PM — (Reply)
Comment by Elmers Brother— 2007/06/17 @ 06:42 PM — (Reply)
For me, it's two beers tops, or one Irish coffee (the real kind,with whiskey, not that Bailey's crap) and then I feel STUFFED like a pig!
Comment by Brooke— 2007/06/19 @ 02:32 AM — (Reply)
we could have come from the same family - my blood father was also an abusive alcoholic and my mother finally took us and ran when i was six and that's when she met my stepdad whose memorial we went to this week - he was my daddy and i loved him as much as a daughter could love a father.
my own father and i made amends later in life and enjoyed one another and he got to be a good grandpa before he died and he and my stepdad really appreciated each other.
i missed both my dads last sunday so we spoiled pop a little extra - he didn't mind...
it's good to be back!
Comment by nanc— 2007/06/24 @ 03:24 PM — (Reply)
It was so great meeting you i person nanc, nancpop and nanckids....just wish it wasn't so short
as far as fathers go...I miss my father too
Comment by elmers brother— 2007/06/24 @ 03:35 PM — (Reply)
It has always been my goal to make sure families understand that time is to short to waste on fighting and arguing. Oh well you know the rest.
Your father I would have loved to met, his stories would have been good.
Comment by David— 2007/06/25 @ 02:22 PM — (Reply)
it was our pleasure meeting your family, elbro. one day, we'll have ALL of eternity to visit!
p.s. they say 85-90% of all families in the u.s. are dysfunctional in one way or another - go figure. that means only 15% or so are doing it right - wonder who sets the bar?
Comment by nanc— 2007/06/25 @ 03:08 PM — (Reply)
You can see in your Dad's eyes and his smile that he was a good man. I'm so glad you became friends and that he found faith. Great piece, EB......very, very moving. I think it's going to stick with me for some time.....
Comment by zabelle— 2007/07/05 @ 05:19 PM — (Reply)
Comment by Elmers Brother— 2007/07/05 @ 07:15 PM — (Reply)