Let's play Jeopardy
(make sure your speakers are on) and NOWWWW here's Alex Trebeck....
Alex: Thank you..Thank you..Let's meet our contestants
Our first contestant is an out of work snake oil salesman with a Florence Nightingale psychosis meet
Cataract
Our second contestant stands accused of being Un-American...Elmers Brother (shrugs shoulders)
Our third contestant (it doesn't matter who they are)
Let's play Jeopardy...here are the categories
Jerks
Maladies
Jokes
Potpourri
Emily Post
Cataract...you drew the short straw..you choose first
Cataract: I'll take Potpourri for $100 Alex
Alex: Taken at face value...these people are shallow and un-American
Third Contestant: Who are the French?
Alex: no
Cataract: Who are neo- neo Rushites?
Alex: no sorry
Elmers Brother : Who is anyone Cataract says is
Alex: yes
Elmers Brother: I'll take jerks for $600
Alex: Once this persons mouth was opened he was contemptuous
Third Contestant: Who is the French?
Alex: try again
Cataract: Who is the moral coward Elmers Brother?
Alex: sorry
Elmers Brother: Who is the apolitical armored calvaryman from Persia?
Alex: Correct again...go ahead
EB: Alex I'll take Emily Post for $800...
Alex: At holiday times these make a cameo appearance on tables. They turn their practical sisters into Cinderellas for the evening.
Third Contestant: Who are the French?
Alex: (exasperated) NOOO!
Cataract: Are you serious?
Alex: nope
Elmers Brother: What are charger plates?
Alex: YESSS!
(crowd erupts into applause)
Elmers Brother: I'll take maladies for $1000?
*ding* ding ding ding* It's a Daily Double.
Alex: You can wager up to $1000 EB.
EB: I'll bet it all
and the answer is:
Alex: a generic psychiatric term for a mental state in which thought and perception are severely impaired. Persons experiencing this may experience hallucinations, hold delusional beliefs (e.g., grandiose or paranoid delusions), demonstrate personality changes and exhibit disorganized thinking (see thought disorder). This is often accompanied by lack of insight into the unusual or bizarre nature of such behaviour, difficulties with social interaction and impairments in carrying out the activities of daily living. It's often described as involving a "loss of contact with reality".
EB: umm (egg timer ticking in the background) umm.....What is a psychosis?
Alex: Yes
(more applause)
Alex : and the last answer in our first round is in the category of Jokes:
Your wife wakes up feeling ill and asks you to get your three children ready for school.
And the question is:
Third Contestant: What are the French?
Alex: (rolls eyes as buzzer goes off)
Cataract: What is...Who let that un-American amoral relativist Elmers Brother procreate?
Alex: No!
Elmers Brother: What is "There are three of them?"
Alex: Yes!
Cataract: (stomps feet and rolls on the ground) ANSWER THE QUESTION EB? ANSWER THE QUESTION?
Alex: In Jeopardy the question is the answer.
Cataract: ANSWER THE QUESTION, I CAN PROVE IT, EB IS UN-AMERICAN!
Alex: No doubt we'll be back for Round 2 at a later date.
Cataract: NOOOOOOO!!!!!! ANSWER THE QUESTION.
(fade to black as ambulance workers with straight jacket rush in to restrain Cataract)
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Comment by Brooke— 2006/12/19 @ 06:29 AM — (Reply)
Comment by Brooke— 2006/12/19 @ 06:39 AM — (Reply)
Comment by Elmers Brother— 2006/12/19 @ 06:48 AM — (Reply)
Comment by Elmers Brother— 2006/12/19 @ 07:08 AM — (Reply)
I think you tent-pegged him eb. I guess that means you win the girl. Congrats.
Comment by Farmer John— 2006/12/19 @ 07:54 AM — (Reply)
erratum: win
Comment by Farmer John— 2006/12/20 @ 12:46 AM — (Reply)
Major A+ on creativity....in other words, a kick a$$ post.
Cat?
Comment by Joe Gringo— 2006/12/19 @ 09:28 AM — (Reply)
everyone's been so busy - i must now play ketchup!
you all hold him down while i strap this on him:
http://sj.blacksteel.com/jim/sj-front-11.jpg
remove
Comment by nanc— 2006/12/20 @ 03:38 AM — (Reply)
Mockery. You prove me right again. You have no conviction. You rely on the worst in human nature.
Elbro, you are terrible for America. I hope that in the days that follow that citizens are more reasonable.
Why do you think that your audience is stupid enough to fall for such playground tactics?
Really, Elbro, you are weak.
Comment by Cataphract— 2006/12/21 @ 10:46 AM — (Reply)
Comment by Barry G.— 2006/12/21 @ 02:33 PM — (Reply)
It's because they KNOW me...knucklehead.
It's because they recognize that you have been a jerk. Playground tactics with a purpose. I've treated you as an individual. You've used "typical" and preconceived notions "neo - neo- Rushite, Mike Church and palecon" to describe me and my friends and then in some kind of psychotic fit can't stand to bear the fact that I somehow lumped the "left" in with some nut who bashes the military. I've labeled you as a jerk and jackass and I don't even know your political or religious affiliation. That's because you have been. No matter what side of the aisle you fall on. You might even be somebody I know but either way you've deserved the trip to the wood shed. I've used humor and playground tactics to get you to see the error of your ways. If you're too dense to understand then the games continue.
The treatment should start soon, really.
Comment by Elmers Brother— 2006/12/21 @ 11:05 AM — (Reply)