Signs
I love music, all types from the Andrew Sisters to ZZ Top. I can't imagine not being able to enjoy listening to it. What woud I do if I lost my hearing? Would I sell my music collection? How long would it take me to relearn the things I take for granted like driving a car or watching TV? How about going to church? What about conversations that might go on around me that I could not be a part of? Would I still play guitar?
I have found myself asking these questions because I have a 15 year old second cousin (Brian) who is spending the month with us. He has been deaf since he was an infant. I have been trying to put myself in his shoes. He handles himself with grace and patience and has a great sense of humor. You might think from what I am saying that I didn't expect that from someone who is hearing impaired but that's not the case. More so I have asked myself how would I handle myself with this disability. He's been with us for a week now and already I have learned so much.
1. Gratitude. I have learned to never to take your health for granted, it really is a precious gift.
2. Patience. Brian has been so patient in helping us to understand sign language. We had been studying since he expressed a desire to visit us. Until you put it into practice it's a totally different story I assure you.
3. Empathy not sympathy. Brian doesn't want to be treated like he's different. I can tell. I don't know how to explain this in a way that makes sense and I don't want to make a general statement that might not be true of others with disabilities. He doesn't want me to feel sorry for him but he does want me to try and understand.
4. Understanding. I need to try to understand what others are going through instead of pretending I do. Now is not the time for a lot of Christian cliches and religious language. I am not deaf and I will never really understand.
I am sure as the month goes by that I will be able to double or triple this list. I think I would keep my music collection.
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I am losing my hearing slowly.
People get impatient when you ask them to repeat their questions.
It is hard because deaf people don't 'look' different and this fact takes others by surprise.
Comment by MissingLink— 2006/07/09 @ 11:51 AM — (Reply)
The cause?
Comment by Always On Watch— 2006/07/10 @ 12:17 AM — (Reply)
O.T., elbro - have you seen this:
http://www.proteinwisdom.com/index.php/weblog/entry/20640/
rocco has an article on this at autonomist - i thought you may be interested due to the nature of brownie's threats to your family. check it out.
Comment by nanc— 2006/07/09 @ 01:11 PM — (Reply)
now to on topic - this is great that you are privileged enough to get this experience under your belt.
two of my aunts have been teachers for the hearing impaired and the deaf for over twenty years each. they say it is quite rewarding, although the pay is low for any teacher. you should see them curse in sign language!
i took a sign language course in community college, and didn't think i retained any of it until i'm around people who sign and then some of it comes back to me.
our youngest had a deaf classmate in her band class last year who plays the drums - imagine that!
if asked to give up one of my senses, it would indeed be a difficult decision, but sight would definitely not be the one.
Comment by nanc— 2006/07/09 @ 01:20 PM — (Reply)
Of the sensory disabilities, deafness is the most isolating. We don't realize how much we rely on auditory input to keep in touch with the world. Some experts claim that deafness is worse than blindness because of the isolating effect.
Also, deafness isn't apparent to the casual observer, but blindness often is.
Thoughtful post, EB.
Comment by Always On Watch— 2006/07/10 @ 12:16 AM — (Reply)
People who sign move their hands so quickly that it is dizzying!
Have fun with your cousin!
Comment by Brooke— 2006/07/10 @ 06:08 AM — (Reply)
I would go nuts if I lost my hearing! We do take so much for granted---there's a good reason that a lot of pastors say everyday should be a day of THANKSGIVING for the Lord. We almost don't even notice how good a lot of us have it. I once heard a speaker say that she would much rather park her car very far away and have to walk to her destination (a store or shop) than park up close in the handicap parking and wheel her way up there. Little things like that open your eyes and make you think.
Comment by FlorianGuerrero— 2006/07/10 @ 04:44 PM — (Reply)
Florian, Brooke - I can't imagine it either I would go nuts if I couldn't listen or play music. That's what I would miss the most I think.
Comment by Elmers Brother— 2006/07/10 @ 07:38 PM — (Reply)
Flo, you are SO right.
Once I broke my left arm pretty badly, and it was pretty much useless for about a month.
Even that was not so bad compared to the physical trials that some people have, and mine got better, of course.
However, it made me realize how difficult even the little things can be without full use of both my hands.... Like getting toothpaste to stay on the toothbrush, or buttoning one's own pants and shirts. Thank goodness it was before my kids were here; I can't imagine trying to change a dirty bottom one-handed!
The loss of music would be the worst, though. Can you imagine what Helen Keller must've went through? That was total isolation!
Comment by Brooke— 2006/07/11 @ 01:25 AM — (Reply)
Helen Keller claimed that she could experience music by placing her hands on the instrument. Experts discount her avowals on that one. Sure, she experienced vibrations, but that's not the same as music.
Have you ever read any of Helen Keller's writings? In addition to her famous biography The Story of My Life, she also wrote essays and poems. Riveting stuff.
Comment by Always On Watch— 2006/07/11 @ 01:00 PM — (Reply)
Brooke I thought about her once or twice this past week.
AoW - I am checking with Brian's mom I am not sure how.
Comment by elmers brother— 2006/07/11 @ 03:38 AM — (Reply)
Nice post.
There was a deaf boy on my kid's soccer team this past year, his mother ran up and down the sidelines throughout the game communicating to him via sign language. He scored a goal near the end of the season and there wasn't a dry on the field. None of the kids really learned sign language, all they needed were high fives!
Comment by Joe Gringo— 2006/07/11 @ 12:15 PM — (Reply)
That's neat Joe!
AoW - I haven't read any of her works.
Comment by elmers brother— 2006/07/11 @ 02:36 PM — (Reply)
without sight, i would miss this. i would always remember the music i heard.
however, being born deaf - i'm not sure i'd miss something i'd never experienced.
still weighing this one. we're all fortunate no matter how you slice it.
Comment by nanc— 2006/07/11 @ 04:03 PM — (Reply)
Comment by Angel— 2006/07/13 @ 05:28 AM — (Reply)
AoW. - Brian was born with a liver virus called CMV his mother told me. He was fortunate because this virus oftne causes blindness, deafness and brain damage. Brian suffers from deafness only. He lost his hearing at 18 months.
Comment by Elmers Brother— 2006/07/13 @ 02:04 PM — (Reply)
At 18 months? That's the same age as Helen Keller when she lost both her sight and hearing. I think. Her blindness and deafness resulted from either the measles or chickenpox.
I've never heard of CMV.
Brian is fortunate--could have been so much worse.
Comment by Always On Watch— 2006/07/13 @ 02:09 PM — (Reply)
Comment by Elmers Brother— 2006/07/13 @ 02:48 PM — (Reply)
The power of the Lord--never discount it!
Comment by Always On Watch— 2006/07/13 @ 02:58 PM — (Reply)
Comment by Brooke— 2006/07/14 @ 01:08 AM — (Reply)
It's amazing how much we take everything we have for granted. I do, anyway.
I know Brian will be as blessed by you as you will be by him. The discussion of "which could you live without, hearing or sight" is a fascinating one and I pray that it remains only a discussion topic for us all and not a reality.
Comment by z— 2008/06/12 @ 04:44 PM — (Reply)
Comment by Elmers Brother— 2008/06/13 @ 05:35 AM — (Reply)
It sure would, Elbro...and I wanted to say I don't really take things for granted at all anymore, not at all, but I did.
Comment by z— 2008/06/13 @ 06:03 AM — (Reply)
Children of a lesser God featured a deaf actress, Marlee Matlin, who won an Oscar for her performance.
Comment by kevin— 2008/06/13 @ 11:01 AM — (Reply)
Burns. I've been having trouble with my right ear. Last night I used 'ear candles'. They syfon(sp.) the wax out of your ears. I think I still need it, I used 3 candles. You wouldn't believe the wax. I'm hoping this is the only problem and not going deaf. The candles can be found at health stores.
Comment by squirrel— 2008/06/19 @ 03:10 AM — (Reply)
Comment by Elmers Brother— 2008/06/13 @ 12:26 PM — (Reply)
My hearing is worse on a number of levels and for a number of reasons. One of the first signs of hearing loss is people that talk loud. They don't realize it. and, as said, asking people to repeat things. Believe it or not I also found out that if you get the wax out of your ears it can make a big difference. Something many overlook.
Comment by Burns— 2008/06/13 @ 07:09 PM — (Reply)
ElBro,
it's always a challenge to be empathetic without being sympathetic. I struggle with this all the time. A tender heart tends towards sympathy, I know. Brian is so blessed to have you guys.
It breaks my heart to treat children with disabilities, or kids who have injuries due to abuse, but they don't want my sympathy or sad looks. They need smiles and happiness from me. It's hard.
Comment by Pinky— 2008/06/15 @ 08:06 AM — (Reply)
Burns. I've been having trouble with my left ear. Last night I used 'ear candles'. They syfon(sp.) the wax out of your ears. I think I still need it, I used 3 candles. You wouldn't believe the wax. I'm hoping this is the only problem and not going deaf. The candles can be found at health stores.
Comment by squirrel— 2008/06/19 @ 03:11 AM — (Reply)
EB, you can delete my post #25. I got the wrong ear. apparently my brain to keyboard coordination is also going.
Comment by Sq— 2008/06/19 @ 03:14 AM — (Reply)